Gearing up for Round 3

The past weeks have been filled with busy schedules, recovery from my first cold of the school year, back to school excitement, the threat of West Nile lingering, and preparing for a hot date this Friday!     I knew that with school starting our lives would go from relaxed and a bit lazy, to hold onto your hats...or wig for me! As Brent and I headed back to work, I had some tough times...introducing myself to the staff and stating one bucket list item proved much more difficult than it would seem, but bucket lists have become all too important and real in my life.  Honestly, I know some things I want to do, but until you have to commit to them and then the realization that you have to make them happen...very real!  Scary real! Up until this point, I believe that all of the prayers that I have said, that friends have said, that all of you have said on my behalf, have truly protected me from the fear of reality from this nasty sickness.  After my diagnosis, that fear has subsided.  Although my feelings and emotions completely took over at the staff meeting, it put life into perspective.  It's really precious and each day counts.  One item on my bucket list that I shared was to attend the CMA Awards with the love of my life...that's Brent, just in case you were wondering!  It will happen, that I know!  Not sure when, but sooner rather than later, that's for sure!  And, I can't wait!       So we are all back to school, which begins my daily school talk conversations with my kids.  Payton started 2nd grade and my little man started Kindergarten this year, which is beyond exciting...my kids are back in one building=one pick-up and drop-off spot...hallelujah!  I was chatting with Ry about his new friends and who he played with at recess.  His reply was, " I played with Network."  Yes, you just read that right, no typo!  Of course, my reply was, "his name is Network???"  You never know this day and age.  So I followed up with, "well, who else did you play with?"  "Spiky hair!" he said. At this point in the conversation I was nearly rolling on the floor.  So me being the resourceful type, I went to our class list that was sent in the back to school letter.  Let me reassure you, there is no child named Network, but there is a little friend named Edward. I thought I was going to die laughing..forget cancer!  I still have not figured out Spiky Hair, but I will get to the bottom of it very soon. Too stinkin' funny, unless you know my husband...Rylan is an exact replication with the exception of my dimple...I'm pretty sure that's the only contribution I had.     With school comes the threat of sickness and unfortunately it already got me good.  I received my first gift of germs on Day 6 of Round 2.  I have no idea where I picked it up, but the bottom line is I quickly realized just how weak my immune system is.  A simple cold without antibiotics was annihilating.  I got into my doctor as soon as possible and got some relief. My new meds had their own set of side effects...add those to what I already am up against and you start to feel defeated...that is until they start to work and then I felt like a whole new woman...watch out world! As I started the new school year, I realized how important it would be for me to wash my hands like a person that is OCD about germs...wait that hasn't really changed too much from before my diagnosis.  I struggle with anxiety around illness, go figure!  My first grade team has been beyond understanding about my germaphobe ways and has committed to having the entire grade level wash hands after lunch...such a huge relief!    I cannot express in words my gratitude for this amazing group of women.  Not only is work a needed dose of adult humor, but it's keeping the time ticking to get through my last two rounds as quickly as possible.  Brent and I also found that going back to work meant that we would be surrounded by our amazing and supportive staff and community.  Zach has been our home for the past 11 years and we truly couldn't have made it to this point in our journey without them.  Whether it was a simple hug from a parent, a meal brought to our house, a card from former Zach families or staff being there for Brent and I every step of the way, we can't thank you enough.     As for the little people in my classroom, they are incredible.  On the first day of school my class got to interview me, which was a great opportunity for me to inform them of my illness...and my baldness.  If I could do it again, I would definitely video tape that discussion.  The kids were so incredibly sweet and astonished by the thought that I had no hair.  Some of them were over eager to see my bald head, while others were more reluctant.  I'm not sure if they understood that when my wig was removed, there was skin..not brains.  That's my first grade thinking for you...I love this age!  I had my back to school night and managed to share a quick version of my story...get this, without crying!  I know, it was so exciting! I think I told my parents how proud Brent would be of me 4 times in less than an hour.  My apologies for my redundancy, but it was a major accomplishment.  The crying is so embarrassing. I know it is acceptable, but I'm not a cute cryer...nobody wants to share that with a large group of people.     The next hurdle we have been confronted with is the vile threat of West Nile virus that is being spread by one of my worst enemies, mosquitos.  They have loved me since I can remember.  Of course, I have been more cautious with my anxiety ridden belief in protection from illness, but when your surgeon makes a special visit to your back to school night to give you a warning, it is a little alarming.  I left feeling so incredibly lucky to have an amazing doctor caring for me, but even more important, I made a plan on how to keep my family and I safe from the little boogers.  Mosquitos beware!     In the last couple of weeks, I experienced many changes in my hair.  Originally, I was told by my doctors not to cut my hair shorter than 3/4 inch.  So I followed the orders...take note, I did NOT love it...I felt a little insecure about how I looked.  Then I got to a point that my hair wasn't really falling out anymore, which left me with a fuzzy buzz cut of hair scarcely scattered across my scalp.  Finally, I was to the point that I could shave it to give me more of a bald look, and we did it.  Thank goodness!  Since I shaved my head, I feel much more confident and I have enjoyed my reflection in the mirror a little more. Along with the fact that my showers are much quicker.... sometimes I stand there and think there has to be something else that I need to do. I snapped some fun photos of my wigs and royal baldness along with my family...super funny!          As this week approaches, I have my third round of chemotherapy on Wednesday (Brent is going to Blockbuster today to get us a movie to watch because daytime tv is horrid...except for Ellen) and a hot date with the two men in my life... Brent and Keith. That's right, we have tickets to Keith Urban at Red Rocks on Friday.  He is my favorite...I love watching him rock out on the guitar...or maybe I just love watching him...he is handsome.  Sending some love to my Aussie friend from "down under" and thanking her for sharing such an incredible entertainer with the world. Friday can't get here soon enough!

Half way there!!

It has been a busy couple of weeks.  I got a surprise visit from my best friend for a few days which took me by total surprise.  We spent time catching up, shopping, getting my wig cut and styled just right, more shopping, and having a lot of really great laughs together.  I can't thank her family enough for letting me borrow her for a few days of fun.  You are too kind.   Following my visit came the 14th day after my first round of chemo therapy.  Most people have no idea what that means, but I was told that on day 14 my hair would start falling out...and it did...like clock work!  Now, it wasn't coming out in big chunks or anything, but my scalp was sore and every time I would touch my hair a little would come out.  At that moment, I had Brent shave my head.  He is such a trooper and did it with no hesitations, even though he knew that I would be entering the next stage of what cancer does to a person....It takes away your hair..."not cool, Robert Frost".  After he finished shaving my head, I had a moment of truth when I looked in the mirror, with half inch long hair.  Lets just say, I had several emotions going through my head...I felt courageous for taking the leap and fear of what I had just done to my hair, that would take many, many months to regrow. It also helped that Brent went to get his hair cut a few days earlier and much to my surprise, he came home with his head shaved.  All I can say is "whoa power alleys".  As for shaving my head, in the words of my husband, "it's only temporary!"  I wish I truly felt this way all of the time, but its just not the case.  The shock of my new look wore off quickly, but I was now at the "eager to be bald" stage.  I made a goal for all of my hair to be gone by my birthday, but that didn't happen.  What's so funny is that my blonde hairs are the ones that I have left and all of the brown hair is gone, so no more blonde jokes, cause they are tough cookies!.  At this point, I look a little like a Chia pet.  My scalp is very visible, but still covered by the few hairs I have remaining.  I still hope to be completely bald soon since this look doesn't exactly strike me as one to show off, if you know what I mean. Brent's stylist giving him a Mohawk before shaving his head! Payton even got in on the action!  Amidst all of the hair loss drama, I decided to go ahead and celebrate my 34th birthday.  I received so many birthday wishes and greetings from so many people and I can't thank you enough.  You sure know how to make a girl feel special.  On my birthday, I took it easy and just focused on the little things.  We ate breakfast at the Silver Grill, followed by play time at the City Park with friends, a trip to the Library, dinner at BJ's Brewhouse, and finished with a drive up to Horsetooth.  Nothing overly glamourous, but in my eyes, it was perfect.  I love watching my little people do anything, spending quality time with my family, friends, and my husband, and laughing, a lot!  The day following my birthday, I geared up for Round 2.  Brent and I went in early for my blood draw and infusions and was joined by my friends.  My friend, Tara, came down and visited for awhile, which made my day.  My friends Cate and Angie came to sit with me while I finished up my infusions.  We sat, talked, discussed the serious and the Bachelorette (which is very serious), laughed about everything, and well, just plain enjoyed our time together.  Although chemo seems so tough, it really is very relaxing and so far has been very enjoyable.  Now this last week, I was busy trying to stay busy.  I have a classroom to get ready, which is looking pretty good.  I decided to exert some energy this time around, more so than the last time, to see how my body would react.  This was an experiment to see which days I would definitely need coverage once we head back to school...next week.  What I found is that Day 1, 2, and 3 are totally doable.  Day 4 is about a half day of rest and Day 5 would be best if I could only relax enough to sleep.  That's a struggle!  However, I am looking forward to knowing that I only have two more rounds left and then I am officially done with this Chemo business. I wanted to mention again how incredibly thankful I am for all of the meals that people have been bringing and the help people have given us to watch our little ones.  It's been so wonderful and the meals are amazing.  I'm not quite sure what I will do when I have to cook for my family again. As you all know, school is around the corner and I am very excited to get started.  Sounds crazy, I know, but the sooner we get started, the quicker my treatments will be a thing of the past.  Time flies when we are having fun!  Speaking of fun, I can't wait for the next season of the Bachelor as Juan Pablo is easy on the eyes....and that accent...and his....ok, I'll stop!  Oh yeah, and we share a birthday...that's a great birthday gift if you ask me.

Week 1 of Chemo...showing it who's "Boss".

Well, I did it folks!  I made it through week one without much to worry about.  Here's how it went:

On Monday, we dropped the kiddos off at our friend's house early in the morning and headed in for my blood draw.  The great part about this morning is that I knew I might get to see my partner in crime before she left her appointment.  Lucky me, I got the hug and laughter I was hoping for before we headed over to the Lab with our Disney Fast Pass.  The Cancer Center has a Fast Pass that you give the receptionist and basically you get to bypass all of the million people in the waiting room along with a special VIP room (that's what I'm choosing to call it because I felt special like that!).  I got my blood drawn and then headed over to the Chemo Lounge for my first infusions.

Before we started Chemo, the Mr. and I had many conversations about whether I would do Chemo in a private room or in the lounge with other patients.  Together, we felt that opting for a private room for my first go round would ease my anxiety a little about how it was all going to happen.  I think Brent wanted a TV in the room just in case some dumb fantasy football show was on (isn't it a little early for that honey?) little did he know, we were going to be watching Season 2 of Downton Abby.

 

Coincidence??  I think not!

Before I started receiving my injections, Brent and I sat in the room and checked it all out.  Immediately I spotted a picture on the wall of a road.  Now, you all may think I'm nuts, but I'm telling you it was a sign.  This was no picture with a road in it.  It was a picture of a road...so I teared a bit and did what I should do and took a picture of it.  Having this experience the first time definitely put my head in a good place, my heart at ease, and my veins ready for fire.

My chemo nurse was Kathy and she was amazeballs.  She explained everything step by step, and I didn't get nervous even once, but I think having the big guy next to me played a big part.  If you haven't realized yet, I'm not so tough on my own, but when my husband is by my side, I will pretty much tackle anything.  He gives me strength in my heart, my being and in my confidence unlike anyone else on earth.  

 

TV?..check.  Iphone?...check. Warm Blanket?..check

We got started with my multiple drips and sat there.  I was in a nice leather Lazy Boy Recliner, while Brent got a hard hospital type chair...I felt kind of bad.  While we sat, we watched Downton Abby, cut out math stations for my college class I'm taking, talked, got lunch, and well, relaxed.  It wasn't so bad.  Near the middle of my second chemical, I was made aware that my potassium levels were low so I would need to stay another two hours to get those levels up.  Although you would think that is a major drag, I really do think the extra liquid in my body helped me flush the chemo through. 

I finished chemo at about 4:45pm and then headed straight for a play date at the pool.  Crazy, probably, but my friend was in town, and I made certain that my chemo treatment would not inflict on my social priorities.

As the week progressed, I made some goals for each day.  First of all, I was going to take it one day at a time...to keep my anxiety in check...worked sort of.  I was going to try and drink 10-8 oz. glasses of water per day, eat 5 small meals per day, and exercise 20 minutes per day.  Now this may not seem like much to accomplish, but have you ever tried to drink 10 glasses of boring water each day for five days straight?  Well, I'm tellin you it is not an easy task.  With suggestions from friends and family, I started to flavor the water with fruit and found that raspberries and strawberries were my favorite combo in my water.  However, cucumber and mint were not.  I guess I prefer to eat my veggies and not drink them.  

My Strawberry Water!

 

My kiddos helped Brent take care of things around the house and when Brent and Rylan went to run errands, Brent asked Payton if she could take care of mommy.  Payton responded with "you mean I get to be mommy's vet?"  What was she trying to say??  Such a funny girl.

 

Rylan Vacuuming!

 

Dishes getting done!

Each day was different this week in the way my body was responding to the chemo.  Overall, I wasn't in any major pain, I didn't get sick, and more than anything, I just wanted to get back to normal...that is normal for me.  The only side effects I experienced this round was tiredness (3 hour nap yesterday!!), achiness, and feeling incredibly full on water, not to mention the feeling of a hairball in the back of my throat.  That's not much to worry about, but I know that as I continue with treatment, the other side effects may become more prominent with my weakened immune system.  My take on it is....I'll worry about that when the time comes.

For the rest of my two weeks off before my next treatment, I will be looking forward to losing my hair (not sure that I'm looking forward to it, but want to get it over with), getting my wig, getting my energy back, feeling healthy and enjoying my summer days with friends and family.  Until next time...

Let the Good Times Roll

This week was filled with preparation for chemo, celebrating, and visiting with good friends. To start off our week, we had dinners coming for the entire week.  I can not express how thankful and appreciative we are for the Meal Train and all of you participating.  It has been a dream come true and the meals have been outstanding.  I also want to add that you all are so amazing that we haven't had a repeat meal yet and my kids have enjoyed them all.  We are loving it...more than McDonald's because that's what we would be eating if it were left up to me. In preparation for chemo, we have been doing some heavy duty wig shopping.  As scary as it is to lose your hair....it's mortifying to think of yourself completely bald as a woman...however, it is sort of fun trying on new hairstyles to see what fits.  During this process, I have learned so much and I am now comfortable with the idea of wearing a wig.  Unfortunately, I am sick and I just want so much to get back to normal, so this is a quick fix to cover up the evidence...let alone, I DO NOT want to scare my new first graders at the beginning of the school year.  I also want to be able to go in public without getting the cancer eyes all of the time.  Choosing a new look took some time however, and a lot of wigs.  Here are a few pics of my wig experience: The Short Look The Reverse Mullet A Typical Amy Cut The Poof The Long Cut With hair loss comes a huge lack of control...I've learned that I, myself, don't really like that....at all!  So, I went to see my wonderful stylist, Sarah, and had my hair cut short.    Again this took time to decide what to go with and if it wasn't for Sarah, who knows what kind of mess I would have come out with.  Before we chopped my hair off, I let my kids take a hack at it.  Payton was all for it...paybacks for all the pulling and yanking on her hair every morning.  Rylan was much more reluctant, but finally made the plunge and took a couple of turns.  Brent was filming, so he didn't take a turn, although I am sure he would have been happy to hack at it a little to pay me back for all of the wig shopping we have done.  When all was said and done, so much hair was lying on the floor and I left with a ca-ute cut.  I loved it immediately and my husband asked, "is this an 'I love it permanently?' kind of cut?"  I responded first with, I don't know and then followed up with I like mid length, you know that!     Our family has had many dinners with friends for visiting and laughing this week.  Brent and I also celebrated 8 years of married bliss!  On our anniversary, we started off by sleeping in...why not!  Followed by breakfast at the Silver Grill....a first for all of my family.  The verdict is we will definitely return.  Then we headed to a store in Old Town to check out the wig selection.  Next, we got my hair chopped off along with my sweet Payton.  Then we headed for Chemo Ed.    Now it started off with a video about all of the side effects from Chemo that I get the privilege to endure....that was a sleeper! Followed by a discussion with Dr. Wing to go over the medications....holy guacamole!  There are a couple million...says this lady. Overwhelmed is an understatement.  Brent told me I needed a pill box, and I had to smack him because there is an age requirement on those things....a few days later, I bought a pill box.  I can't keep them straight and just a quick question...Why do all pills need to be white and round?? I mean my app only allows so many descriptors and they all look the same....dude, they need a teacher in the medical profession to make their pills colorful with a beginning letter in a good font.  Teehee! As we move into Monday, my nerves are heightened and my anxiety may not be in check....definitely not!  My chemo consists of two drugs, one that starts with T and one that starts with C....this is my response when everyone asks what kind of chemo I will have.  That's my first grader coming out.  Works for me!  Really I will have Taxotere   and Cytoxan.  The side effects aren't the worst,  but are still pretty terrifying.  The super awesome news is that these drugs aren't harmful to any other organs, so I'm not having to worry about that yet...dude!  However, on my fourth treatment my eyebrows and eyelashes will either fall out completely or thin tremendously....I don't love that! I have already started popping the pills in preparation for my first treatment.  I'm not sure how these treatments will go, but Brent keeps reminding me that it is going to be over and this is only short term....I love his simple reminders.  Honestly, I know I could not do this journey without the love and incredible amount of support from my husband.  He is ALWAYS there for me, whether its a meltdown of tears during the day or in the middle of the night.  He is ALWAYS there to hold my hand through the doctor appointments, blood draws, and the many walks to and from the car when he knows my anxiety and worry are at their peak.  And he always says, it's time to focus on you.  As hard as it is to hear, it's what I need to be reminded of because I would much rather think about all of the wonderful people in my life than focus on this sickness.  Know that the next week will be tough and then only three more treatments after that.  I will need words of encouragement, support, and just knowing you are all pulling for me will help ease my mind.  Please know that I check the comments on my blog, on Facebook, emails, and texts all the time and if you feel the need to reach out, please do so!  If you are feeling the need to be encouraged like I will this week, click the link to Pep Talk by Kid President.  This video will be watched by me every day because not only has it inspired this journey...it makes me laugh!  I will be in touch and let you know how the treatment is treating me...whether its being helpful or hurtful.....

The Next Step to Awesome

The day finally came for us to hear the results of my ONCA test, which would help me determine the need for Chemo Therapy and additional treatments.  Now as a teacher, I was feeling the heat that so many of my little people experience in my classroom waiting to find out how they did on their test.  This was a test I wanted a low score on however...not so much the case in my classroom. 
 

As we walked into the exam room and sat waiting for the doctor, I mentioned to Brent that I was super nervous and kept forgetting to breathe...a second later I got a text message from my sister that stated, "Breathe...I love you!"  I couldn't help but laugh which turned my nervous breathing into calmness.  This is life for me...laughter is my best medicine, not chemo so much, but laughter.....which will be a great side kick while I sit in a chemo lounge, surrounded by individuals who are fighting the fight courageously. 
 

My score on the test was borderline...of course it was!  Why make it a definite yes or no...well because that would be easy and not much in the world of cancer is easy. The silver lining in this situation was that yet again, I got to choose!  No telling this lady what to do!  After three weeks of waiting and healing, a lot of thinking goes into what you wish for the outcome to be.  Basically, we went in knowing our plan of action, lets face it, it wouldn't be like me to do it any other way! 
 

The first thing I received when Dr. Medgyesy came in the room was a big hug...exactly what this hug crazy person needed.  Followed by, "How's my little trooper doing?"  I was taken back by this statement a little, but I quickly remembered that I was probably on the younger side of her patient population. This was followed by a review of my genetic testing that came back negative for the genes and normal with no mutations...so my weirdness is a learned trait, not genetic...there's hope for my kids...but only on mommy's side of the gene pool...they're at a total loss from their father's side...ha!  This testing ensured that I did not pass on any genes to my daughter that might put her at risk...thank you again, Lord.
 
Next, we talked ONCA testing and I scored an 18...bummer sort of!  Tough because it wasn't black and white, but in the cancer world there really isn't too much of that...mostly gray areas.  We talked Estrogen blocker meds for the next ten years...yikes! Ten years puts my daughter into her senior year of high school...seriously dude?  Bad part is I have to remember to take it every day for ten years...not so good at that part, but we have apps for that, right...I heart technology...and alarm reminders!  The sergeant, known as my husband, will also keep me in line.  

The second part was the dreaded chemo talk..yucko!  Then Dr. Medgyesy said four treatments...can you believe that???...only four treatments...I'm so lucky and overwhelmingly blessed!  It's all those prayers and thoughts from all of you...best news this girl could get.  I CANNOT THANK YOU ENOUGH! So, I will get a treatment every three weeks for the next 12 weeks.  

Basically, I will go in and relax, sit, talk (what I do best), for three hours.  The first day, I was told I will feel fine, day two could wear me out a little, day three and four are usually tough, and day five I will get my strength back.  Doesn't that sound like a vacation? So my first treatment is scheduled for July 15th...then that week I will be taking notes and seeing how my body responds to the treatment.  This will help me determine what to expect for the following three...but I think they will progressively get more difficult as my body is weakened. 
 
My plan for fighting these four treatments, is starting with trust in God, positive attitude, smiles and laughter, more of that, and knowing that "awesome" is in sight.  That has been our saving grace.
 
Brent and I get chemo educated on July 9th, our 8th wedding anniversary, which will be one for the books.  My first chemo treatment will be on July 15th, so until then...

The Road to Recovery

So....it's been 21 days since my surgery, 18 days since I found out no radiation, 17 days since I got my drains removed, 14 days since my post-op with my plastic surgeon and he said all is well, 9 days since my post-op with my surgeon and again he said it all looked good and 1 week that I have been anxiously awaiting my next doctor's appointment.  You might think I'm crazy...Lord knows my husband thinks I am.  What gets this lady going is not knowing or being constantly reassured that my body is healing correctly and that all of the weird pains, numbness, cramping, etc. is NORMAL!  I know I should totally trust my P.E. teacher husband's diagnosis and prognosis of my pain and feelings. After all, he did take a lot of science courses in college.  Right now, all this lady wants is to go to the doctor and get the words from their mouth saying, "oohh, aahhh, do this", or "I see this might be bothering you, let's see if this will help" or "you can stop worrying, Amy.  Everything looks great!" Those would be words to my ears that would sooth my worrying mind.  I'm convinced that's why doctor's get paid the big bucks....they know what we want to hear and even if it isn't great news, it is a step in the right direction. I am incredibly grateful for that.
 

 Okay, enough babbling about my last week of no appointments and on with how we are spending our time healing.  Although this time should be spent relaxing and enjoying some freedom, we have managed to keep it as busy as possible because "hey, you never know when we will get time to finish my honey-do list (wink, wink)."  Poor Brent!  I don't think the man has had a moment of rest for the past seven days.  If he wasn't laying flooring for his wife, he was golfing (not so bad),  he was taxiing our family from here to there, to t-ball games, to playdates, to the pool, etc.  That's right, I said laying flooring....isn't that what all cancer patients dream of doing on their week off from doctor's appointments?  I'm pretty sure the Mr. didn't sign up for this job, but boy did he do amazing work.  Honey, I love the floor and cannot thank you enough for finishing it up before Christmas...oh wait that's how I do home projects.  I, on the other hand, did a great job of handing out demands, resting (one large perk to this recovery stage), attending play dates and pool dates all for the socialization of my children (ha!), shuttling my children from one place to another, and desperately searching for clothing that is comfy and loose.  This is me preparing for my huge chest...ha ha!  No thank you!
Well, I am currently awaiting my next  appointment on Monday to get these expanders expanding...if you know what I mean.  I feel a little excited, but super, crazy nervous because let's face it...this body hasn't ever seen anything large in the area of my chest...except for at a Halloween Party quite a few years back...good times at the Hilim's house.  I believe we went as Captain Underpants and my made-up character Mistress Under wire...bummer for you...I can't find a picture any where...good for Brent and I.
On Thursday, we have THEE appointment with my oncologist, Dr. Medgysey.  This, my friends, is the big daddy of appointments.  This one is when I find out my chances of needing chemotherapy.  This one is where I show breast cancer who is BOSS!  Until then.....