Week 1 of Chemo...showing it who's "Boss".

Well, I did it folks!  I made it through week one without much to worry about.  Here's how it went:

On Monday, we dropped the kiddos off at our friend's house early in the morning and headed in for my blood draw.  The great part about this morning is that I knew I might get to see my partner in crime before she left her appointment.  Lucky me, I got the hug and laughter I was hoping for before we headed over to the Lab with our Disney Fast Pass.  The Cancer Center has a Fast Pass that you give the receptionist and basically you get to bypass all of the million people in the waiting room along with a special VIP room (that's what I'm choosing to call it because I felt special like that!).  I got my blood drawn and then headed over to the Chemo Lounge for my first infusions.

Before we started Chemo, the Mr. and I had many conversations about whether I would do Chemo in a private room or in the lounge with other patients.  Together, we felt that opting for a private room for my first go round would ease my anxiety a little about how it was all going to happen.  I think Brent wanted a TV in the room just in case some dumb fantasy football show was on (isn't it a little early for that honey?) little did he know, we were going to be watching Season 2 of Downton Abby.

 

Coincidence??  I think not!

Before I started receiving my injections, Brent and I sat in the room and checked it all out.  Immediately I spotted a picture on the wall of a road.  Now, you all may think I'm nuts, but I'm telling you it was a sign.  This was no picture with a road in it.  It was a picture of a road...so I teared a bit and did what I should do and took a picture of it.  Having this experience the first time definitely put my head in a good place, my heart at ease, and my veins ready for fire.

My chemo nurse was Kathy and she was amazeballs.  She explained everything step by step, and I didn't get nervous even once, but I think having the big guy next to me played a big part.  If you haven't realized yet, I'm not so tough on my own, but when my husband is by my side, I will pretty much tackle anything.  He gives me strength in my heart, my being and in my confidence unlike anyone else on earth.  

 

TV?..check.  Iphone?...check. Warm Blanket?..check

We got started with my multiple drips and sat there.  I was in a nice leather Lazy Boy Recliner, while Brent got a hard hospital type chair...I felt kind of bad.  While we sat, we watched Downton Abby, cut out math stations for my college class I'm taking, talked, got lunch, and well, relaxed.  It wasn't so bad.  Near the middle of my second chemical, I was made aware that my potassium levels were low so I would need to stay another two hours to get those levels up.  Although you would think that is a major drag, I really do think the extra liquid in my body helped me flush the chemo through. 

I finished chemo at about 4:45pm and then headed straight for a play date at the pool.  Crazy, probably, but my friend was in town, and I made certain that my chemo treatment would not inflict on my social priorities.

As the week progressed, I made some goals for each day.  First of all, I was going to take it one day at a time...to keep my anxiety in check...worked sort of.  I was going to try and drink 10-8 oz. glasses of water per day, eat 5 small meals per day, and exercise 20 minutes per day.  Now this may not seem like much to accomplish, but have you ever tried to drink 10 glasses of boring water each day for five days straight?  Well, I'm tellin you it is not an easy task.  With suggestions from friends and family, I started to flavor the water with fruit and found that raspberries and strawberries were my favorite combo in my water.  However, cucumber and mint were not.  I guess I prefer to eat my veggies and not drink them.  

My Strawberry Water!

 

My kiddos helped Brent take care of things around the house and when Brent and Rylan went to run errands, Brent asked Payton if she could take care of mommy.  Payton responded with "you mean I get to be mommy's vet?"  What was she trying to say??  Such a funny girl.

 

Rylan Vacuuming!

 

Dishes getting done!

Each day was different this week in the way my body was responding to the chemo.  Overall, I wasn't in any major pain, I didn't get sick, and more than anything, I just wanted to get back to normal...that is normal for me.  The only side effects I experienced this round was tiredness (3 hour nap yesterday!!), achiness, and feeling incredibly full on water, not to mention the feeling of a hairball in the back of my throat.  That's not much to worry about, but I know that as I continue with treatment, the other side effects may become more prominent with my weakened immune system.  My take on it is....I'll worry about that when the time comes.

For the rest of my two weeks off before my next treatment, I will be looking forward to losing my hair (not sure that I'm looking forward to it, but want to get it over with), getting my wig, getting my energy back, feeling healthy and enjoying my summer days with friends and family.  Until next time...

Let the Good Times Roll

This week was filled with preparation for chemo, celebrating, and visiting with good friends. To start off our week, we had dinners coming for the entire week.  I can not express how thankful and appreciative we are for the Meal Train and all of you participating.  It has been a dream come true and the meals have been outstanding.  I also want to add that you all are so amazing that we haven't had a repeat meal yet and my kids have enjoyed them all.  We are loving it...more than McDonald's because that's what we would be eating if it were left up to me. In preparation for chemo, we have been doing some heavy duty wig shopping.  As scary as it is to lose your hair....it's mortifying to think of yourself completely bald as a woman...however, it is sort of fun trying on new hairstyles to see what fits.  During this process, I have learned so much and I am now comfortable with the idea of wearing a wig.  Unfortunately, I am sick and I just want so much to get back to normal, so this is a quick fix to cover up the evidence...let alone, I DO NOT want to scare my new first graders at the beginning of the school year.  I also want to be able to go in public without getting the cancer eyes all of the time.  Choosing a new look took some time however, and a lot of wigs.  Here are a few pics of my wig experience: The Short Look The Reverse Mullet A Typical Amy Cut The Poof The Long Cut With hair loss comes a huge lack of control...I've learned that I, myself, don't really like that....at all!  So, I went to see my wonderful stylist, Sarah, and had my hair cut short.    Again this took time to decide what to go with and if it wasn't for Sarah, who knows what kind of mess I would have come out with.  Before we chopped my hair off, I let my kids take a hack at it.  Payton was all for it...paybacks for all the pulling and yanking on her hair every morning.  Rylan was much more reluctant, but finally made the plunge and took a couple of turns.  Brent was filming, so he didn't take a turn, although I am sure he would have been happy to hack at it a little to pay me back for all of the wig shopping we have done.  When all was said and done, so much hair was lying on the floor and I left with a ca-ute cut.  I loved it immediately and my husband asked, "is this an 'I love it permanently?' kind of cut?"  I responded first with, I don't know and then followed up with I like mid length, you know that!     Our family has had many dinners with friends for visiting and laughing this week.  Brent and I also celebrated 8 years of married bliss!  On our anniversary, we started off by sleeping in...why not!  Followed by breakfast at the Silver Grill....a first for all of my family.  The verdict is we will definitely return.  Then we headed to a store in Old Town to check out the wig selection.  Next, we got my hair chopped off along with my sweet Payton.  Then we headed for Chemo Ed.    Now it started off with a video about all of the side effects from Chemo that I get the privilege to endure....that was a sleeper! Followed by a discussion with Dr. Wing to go over the medications....holy guacamole!  There are a couple million...says this lady. Overwhelmed is an understatement.  Brent told me I needed a pill box, and I had to smack him because there is an age requirement on those things....a few days later, I bought a pill box.  I can't keep them straight and just a quick question...Why do all pills need to be white and round?? I mean my app only allows so many descriptors and they all look the same....dude, they need a teacher in the medical profession to make their pills colorful with a beginning letter in a good font.  Teehee! As we move into Monday, my nerves are heightened and my anxiety may not be in check....definitely not!  My chemo consists of two drugs, one that starts with T and one that starts with C....this is my response when everyone asks what kind of chemo I will have.  That's my first grader coming out.  Works for me!  Really I will have Taxotere   and Cytoxan.  The side effects aren't the worst,  but are still pretty terrifying.  The super awesome news is that these drugs aren't harmful to any other organs, so I'm not having to worry about that yet...dude!  However, on my fourth treatment my eyebrows and eyelashes will either fall out completely or thin tremendously....I don't love that! I have already started popping the pills in preparation for my first treatment.  I'm not sure how these treatments will go, but Brent keeps reminding me that it is going to be over and this is only short term....I love his simple reminders.  Honestly, I know I could not do this journey without the love and incredible amount of support from my husband.  He is ALWAYS there for me, whether its a meltdown of tears during the day or in the middle of the night.  He is ALWAYS there to hold my hand through the doctor appointments, blood draws, and the many walks to and from the car when he knows my anxiety and worry are at their peak.  And he always says, it's time to focus on you.  As hard as it is to hear, it's what I need to be reminded of because I would much rather think about all of the wonderful people in my life than focus on this sickness.  Know that the next week will be tough and then only three more treatments after that.  I will need words of encouragement, support, and just knowing you are all pulling for me will help ease my mind.  Please know that I check the comments on my blog, on Facebook, emails, and texts all the time and if you feel the need to reach out, please do so!  If you are feeling the need to be encouraged like I will this week, click the link to Pep Talk by Kid President.  This video will be watched by me every day because not only has it inspired this journey...it makes me laugh!  I will be in touch and let you know how the treatment is treating me...whether its being helpful or hurtful.....

The Next Step to Awesome

The day finally came for us to hear the results of my ONCA test, which would help me determine the need for Chemo Therapy and additional treatments.  Now as a teacher, I was feeling the heat that so many of my little people experience in my classroom waiting to find out how they did on their test.  This was a test I wanted a low score on however...not so much the case in my classroom. 
 

As we walked into the exam room and sat waiting for the doctor, I mentioned to Brent that I was super nervous and kept forgetting to breathe...a second later I got a text message from my sister that stated, "Breathe...I love you!"  I couldn't help but laugh which turned my nervous breathing into calmness.  This is life for me...laughter is my best medicine, not chemo so much, but laughter.....which will be a great side kick while I sit in a chemo lounge, surrounded by individuals who are fighting the fight courageously. 
 

My score on the test was borderline...of course it was!  Why make it a definite yes or no...well because that would be easy and not much in the world of cancer is easy. The silver lining in this situation was that yet again, I got to choose!  No telling this lady what to do!  After three weeks of waiting and healing, a lot of thinking goes into what you wish for the outcome to be.  Basically, we went in knowing our plan of action, lets face it, it wouldn't be like me to do it any other way! 
 

The first thing I received when Dr. Medgyesy came in the room was a big hug...exactly what this hug crazy person needed.  Followed by, "How's my little trooper doing?"  I was taken back by this statement a little, but I quickly remembered that I was probably on the younger side of her patient population. This was followed by a review of my genetic testing that came back negative for the genes and normal with no mutations...so my weirdness is a learned trait, not genetic...there's hope for my kids...but only on mommy's side of the gene pool...they're at a total loss from their father's side...ha!  This testing ensured that I did not pass on any genes to my daughter that might put her at risk...thank you again, Lord.
 
Next, we talked ONCA testing and I scored an 18...bummer sort of!  Tough because it wasn't black and white, but in the cancer world there really isn't too much of that...mostly gray areas.  We talked Estrogen blocker meds for the next ten years...yikes! Ten years puts my daughter into her senior year of high school...seriously dude?  Bad part is I have to remember to take it every day for ten years...not so good at that part, but we have apps for that, right...I heart technology...and alarm reminders!  The sergeant, known as my husband, will also keep me in line.  

The second part was the dreaded chemo talk..yucko!  Then Dr. Medgyesy said four treatments...can you believe that???...only four treatments...I'm so lucky and overwhelmingly blessed!  It's all those prayers and thoughts from all of you...best news this girl could get.  I CANNOT THANK YOU ENOUGH! So, I will get a treatment every three weeks for the next 12 weeks.  

Basically, I will go in and relax, sit, talk (what I do best), for three hours.  The first day, I was told I will feel fine, day two could wear me out a little, day three and four are usually tough, and day five I will get my strength back.  Doesn't that sound like a vacation? So my first treatment is scheduled for July 15th...then that week I will be taking notes and seeing how my body responds to the treatment.  This will help me determine what to expect for the following three...but I think they will progressively get more difficult as my body is weakened. 
 
My plan for fighting these four treatments, is starting with trust in God, positive attitude, smiles and laughter, more of that, and knowing that "awesome" is in sight.  That has been our saving grace.
 
Brent and I get chemo educated on July 9th, our 8th wedding anniversary, which will be one for the books.  My first chemo treatment will be on July 15th, so until then...

The Road to Recovery

So....it's been 21 days since my surgery, 18 days since I found out no radiation, 17 days since I got my drains removed, 14 days since my post-op with my plastic surgeon and he said all is well, 9 days since my post-op with my surgeon and again he said it all looked good and 1 week that I have been anxiously awaiting my next doctor's appointment.  You might think I'm crazy...Lord knows my husband thinks I am.  What gets this lady going is not knowing or being constantly reassured that my body is healing correctly and that all of the weird pains, numbness, cramping, etc. is NORMAL!  I know I should totally trust my P.E. teacher husband's diagnosis and prognosis of my pain and feelings. After all, he did take a lot of science courses in college.  Right now, all this lady wants is to go to the doctor and get the words from their mouth saying, "oohh, aahhh, do this", or "I see this might be bothering you, let's see if this will help" or "you can stop worrying, Amy.  Everything looks great!" Those would be words to my ears that would sooth my worrying mind.  I'm convinced that's why doctor's get paid the big bucks....they know what we want to hear and even if it isn't great news, it is a step in the right direction. I am incredibly grateful for that.
 

 Okay, enough babbling about my last week of no appointments and on with how we are spending our time healing.  Although this time should be spent relaxing and enjoying some freedom, we have managed to keep it as busy as possible because "hey, you never know when we will get time to finish my honey-do list (wink, wink)."  Poor Brent!  I don't think the man has had a moment of rest for the past seven days.  If he wasn't laying flooring for his wife, he was golfing (not so bad),  he was taxiing our family from here to there, to t-ball games, to playdates, to the pool, etc.  That's right, I said laying flooring....isn't that what all cancer patients dream of doing on their week off from doctor's appointments?  I'm pretty sure the Mr. didn't sign up for this job, but boy did he do amazing work.  Honey, I love the floor and cannot thank you enough for finishing it up before Christmas...oh wait that's how I do home projects.  I, on the other hand, did a great job of handing out demands, resting (one large perk to this recovery stage), attending play dates and pool dates all for the socialization of my children (ha!), shuttling my children from one place to another, and desperately searching for clothing that is comfy and loose.  This is me preparing for my huge chest...ha ha!  No thank you!
Well, I am currently awaiting my next  appointment on Monday to get these expanders expanding...if you know what I mean.  I feel a little excited, but super, crazy nervous because let's face it...this body hasn't ever seen anything large in the area of my chest...except for at a Halloween Party quite a few years back...good times at the Hilim's house.  I believe we went as Captain Underpants and my made-up character Mistress Under wire...bummer for you...I can't find a picture any where...good for Brent and I.
On Thursday, we have THEE appointment with my oncologist, Dr. Medgysey.  This, my friends, is the big daddy of appointments.  This one is when I find out my chances of needing chemotherapy.  This one is where I show breast cancer who is BOSS!  Until then.....

SURGERY DAY

 

In preparation for my surgery day, I had my family over for dinner.  It was a great way for me to see and talk with everyone.  The night before, I prepared my suitcase and most importantly packed a picture of my babies, knowing that it would be the happy place for me to go in times of pain.  The morning of surgery came oh so early and I was sure to call my bestie, Ann Marie, as well as, my sister, Shauna, whom I couldn’t wait to see after my surgery.  I can’t forget my discussion and amazing text from my buddy, Kevin.  This text was sent with intentions of being read on the morning of my surgery as soon as I woke up to deter my mind from fear and negativity.  This message helped me focus on only the positive thoughts and blessings I have in my life.  It did just that, so a humongous thank-you to Kevin. 

As I was getting ready to leave for the hospital, I went to see my sweet babies sound asleep in their beds.  I went into Rylan’s bedroom, kissed him a couple million times and told him I loved him.  To my surprise, he woke up long enough to give me a big squeeze, a smooch, and to say, “I love you, Mommy.”  I continued to go into my daughter, Payton’s bedroom, kissed her another couple million times, and told her I loved her.  Again, she woke up to say, “I love you so much, Mommy and I will see you after your surgery.”  Now as typical as this may seem for most children, we are not “morning people” so the pure fact that my children didn’t wake up screaming and throwing fitskies, is a pure miracle on its own.

As I arrived at the Surgical Center at PVH, I was greeted by my Dad (the earliest riser I have ever known), and my mom-in-love (a borrowed term that fits her perfectly) Juli.  She was so sweet to wear her fluorescent pink pedicure that I can’t help but give her a hard time about and her pink kisses purse just for me.  I am loved!  I shared one of my favorite songs with my entourage, Keith Urban’s new single “A Little Bit of Everything”, which I was quickly reprimanded by the sergeant Brent that there was a cellphone silencing sign posted on several walls in the waiting room.  Didn’t stop me!  Love that song and Keith Urban…its okay, Brent knows I have a crush.

Soon they took Brent and I back to get me prepped and the anxiety started to elevate, but then things happened so quickly, that I didn’t have a chance to go through with an entire attack.  Lucky them!  Brent can always sense when the anxiety is running high so he held my hand the whole time and continued to ask all the questions that I couldn’t focus on because I was trying to keep my head on straight.  I remember having so many people, doctors, nurses, questions, thoughts, and business going on that my mind was a blur.  I think the last thing I remember before they took me back was a prayer from Pastor Scott Kissel.  I closed my eyes, listened to the blessings that he spoke of, and thanked the dear Lord for surrounding me with everyone, with love, with happiness, and the most incredible blessings I could have ever dreamed of having.

 

I went back for surgery and the dream team did their thang.  I don’t remember a lick.  This means that the Anesthesiologists did a phenomenal job and I want to thank Dr. Fife for coming in to assist and checking on me several times during recovery.  If he only knew how reassuring that was for me.  Now, about that dream team,  Dr. Dickinson was in charge of removing the nasties from my body along with the defective pair of breasts (good riddens).   Oh yeah, and my pregnancy with my sweet son left me with an umbilical hernia that was corrected at the same time.  I figure, go in and fix it all while my deductible is met, right?  Then came Dr. Boustred’s part.  He got the pleasure of inserting tissue expanders and making sure the new pair was going to look decent.  I say decent because let’s not kid ourselves. 

 

As far as I knew, it took about 15 minutes and all I wanted was my husband.  What a baby, right?  No seriously, all I wanted was to see Brent, who was sitting in the waiting room with my family for 5 hours, while making sure  family and friends were being updated on the surgery through text messages.  What is wrong with me?  Yes, I adore my husband more than anyone knows. They finally rolled me up to my room and the first face I saw was my husband’s, which made my day.  I also have a few apologies to make.  There was a young man pushing my bed that was wearing a Chicago Bear’s lanyard and let’s just say I didn’t let him live it down for being a Bear’s fan.  Then there was my request for an upgrade in rooms, and well, I was on a roll.  Brent couldn’t keep up with my silly requests, humor, embarrassment, etc.  I ended up staying in the hospital for two nights to make sure that my sensitive tummy could handle the meds, but my healing was going great and quickly according to the nurses and doctors. 

 

Best part of the whole stay was the BACON, my visitors, and the enormous amount of flowers that arrived.  Just for the books, my nurse said I was an excellent patient and asked for a visit when I’m feeling better.  I love you too, Angela. 

Overall, the whole experience at PVH was a tremendous success, blessed with amazing doctors and nurses, and a comfortable stay. I only attempted to pass out a couple of times…had to keep the peeps on their toes.  More to come on the recovery soon…….

Kona Ice and Texas Roadhouse!!

Here are some pictures of the Kona Ice fundraiser that was held at my school last week and the Texas Roadhouse fundraiser that Brent's basketball parents from Fort Collins High School organized at their basketball tournament last weekend!  All I can say is WOW!!  Also, I'm home from the hospital, so my next blog will be about my surgery..............

Decision Time

 

After waiting awhile to meet with Dr. Boustred, my plastic surgeon, we were excited to make some decisions about my reconstruction.  However, for some reason, this was the appointment I was nervous about...why this one over the other???  No idea!  We had heard nothing but wonderful comments about Dr. Boustred and how amazing he was.  We can now officially vouch for that.  When we met with him, he covered all of my options for reconstruction, which resulted in showing us photos of his work.  Now, as excited as I was to see what the final product might be, he gave me a pre-warning that reconstructed breasts were much different from those patients that have augmentations and boy, was he right.  I mean, who doesn’t want the look they see in magazines after knowing the road I’m headed down.   I left this appointment flabbergasted about what I saw and then trying to wrap my head around that on my body was difficult. 

Lucky for me, my mother-in-law saved my over dramatic mind.  She had shared an article that came out in the Coloradoan after Angelina Jolie made her announcement for me to read.  Keep in mind that before getting this article I was rethinking my decisions for this whole diagnosis.  This is real people, and maybe it just happens to me, but something tells me it is normal to go through a roller coaster of emotions while trying desperately to make the right decisions for myself and my life.  In the article, there was a testimony from a woman who had just undergone a double mastectomy and reconstruction.  The part that touched me was how she felt when she came out of surgery and was still able to look in the mirror and see the skin that she had been staring at all of her life.  This may seem so silly, but it sealed the deal for me.  Two days later we went back to Dr. Boustred’s office and made the final preparations and decisions before my surgery. 

In the meantime, the hubs was dealing with all the bills, paperwork and phone calls (mostly with insurance) that come with surgery.  What a relief it’s been that I have someone here to manage the technical side of this ordeal...so incredibly blessed to have such an amazing partner on this journey.

We participated in our first 5K Run for the Hope Lives Organization...okay more like walk for me.  I don't run unless I am being chased.  Thank you so much to my sister Heather, the Lee family, and my family for your support.

 Positive outlook, positive attitude and good emotional well-being are all very critical components in this fight, and I want to do everything in my power to keep strength in those areas.  I want to thank everyone who has been reading my blog and is taking this journey with me.  The support has been such a blessing and I feel like everyone has showered my family with love and support and prayers.  Please keep them coming as I’ll really need them starting next week.  My surgery is scheduled for Monday, June 3^rd at 6am…wait 6am??....I don’t even get up that early for work.  Of course, the hubs joked about seeing if they had any afternoon appointments available. Obviously, we are not morning people!!

I will keep you updated after my surgery on Monday.  Can you believe it??? My first day of summer will be spent in the hospital…not quite what I had in mind a month ago, but it is a start on my road of doing cancer like a BOSS!