The Starting Line to this Journey

Thank you so much for visiting my blog.  I decided to write this blog simply because I have so many people that want to show their support as I approach this road to living cancer free, and I don't have enough time in the day to reach out to everyone that I WANT and so very much NEED to.

In the past couple of weeks, my life has taken a sudden turn in direction and I have been confronted with a slight hill to overcome.  

I was diagnosed with Stage 1 Breast Cancer on Friday, April 26th.  Mind you, I found the lump on Sunday, April 21st and five days later here we were with a diagnosis.  Now, in the words of Guilianna Rancic it was like "total amazeballs".  I am surrounded by the most incredible professionals I could imagine and they mean business, man!  Let me step back a minute, my husband (now known as world's greatest breast examiner, because that's totally what we were doing...ha!) found my lump, which I thought was a dirty joke.  However, he wasn't kidding and I started my lovely worrying process of asking a million questions, followed by my husband reassurring me that it was going to be fine and the classic "if you want me to take you to Urgent Care I will", followed by my "no, I'm just blowing this out of proportion" business.  Yes, that is how it goes every time for this anxiety stricken woman.

The following day, I got an appointment with Dr. Susan K. Klingner (love that her name and initials are the same as my mom's, it's fate I tell you).  She reassurred me that it probably wasn't anything, but their policy was to be precautious and they ordered a mammogram and sonogram for the same day.  I'm not talking that they told me that I needed to get one sometime, I'm talking that they booked the appointment for three hours later that very day.  Love them!  I remember getting in my car and immediately trying to call Brent...who didn't answer, it's called a ringtone for a reason not vibrate tone dude!  I continued to totally freak out as I was driving back to school and finally Brent called back.  He couldn't come with me to this appointment on such short notice, so I went for my next best available option, my mom-in-law, Juli.  When I picked her up, I had calmed down a bit after talking to my mom and knowing I would have an escort to my first boob squashing appointment.  This was followed up with a long explanation of what they had determined, which was that I did indeed find a mass and they needed to do a biopsy to determine if it was malignant or benign.   All I could do at this appointment was try to pick up on any words of positive reinforcement, however, by the time I was walking out the door, I had nothing.  The biopsy was then arranged for Thursday.

I was so relieved to know that my number one would be my escort for my next appointment.  I was scared...which was an understatement.  I was told that they wouldn't be able to give me any results until Monday or Tuesday of the next week which meant a waiting game over the weekend.  

Dr. Klingner attempted to call me a number of times on Friday, but was unable to connect, which is still a puzzle in my head because my phone was with me at all times and on the whole day since we were in Denver at the Zoo with our daughter and her classmates.  The doctor's office finally reached us at 3:00pm that day.  After learning about my diagnosis from Dr. Klingner, again I was so impressed with the office policies.  She had already set up an appointment with my Encologist, Dr. Medgyssey and another appointment with Dr. Dickinson my surgeon.  Little did I know that in the breast cancer world in Fort Collins, these two doctors are considered to be members of the Dream Team.  Talk about being blessed. 

Unfortunately, I was immediately faced with the toughest situation I have ever been confronted with....how in the world do I tell my sweet babies?  It was a bummer, that's for sure.  I didn't have the opportunity to think about it for very long because they were with my husband and I at the doctor's office...and it isn't very often that mommy and daddy are both sobbing without due cause.  I will never forget their sweet responses to this disappointing news.  My sweet little boy, Rylan, responded with "Mommy, what's wrong?" and my daughter, Payton, responded with "Why are you crying?".  After collecting myself, I crouched down and explained that I was sick inside and that I needed to get better.  I chose not to use the "C-word" because that could be down right scary to a 5 and 6-year old in our world of misconception today.  My son immediately collapsed in my arms and started sobbing and my daughter was very confused about the situation.  She pulled a typical 6-year old and started asking lots of questions, followed by crying when she realized what was going on.  After a long hugging and kissing session with my adorable lil' family, we headed out of the office and I'm pretty sure we scared the holy daylights out of any patients in the waiting room.  Whoopsadaisy....not intentionally.  

After this shocking news, we proceeded to drive home, only two blocks away from our house (it's all about convenience here).  My daughter had a soccer game that day and we had about 45 minutes until we needed to leave to get her there on time.  Brent asked me if I wanted to go to the soccer game and me being a little "Debbie Downer" replied with a shrug and "I don't know."  I proceeded to call my mom and sister, which happen to be in the same place at the same time, so on speaker phone I tried to speak as clearly as possible while I was completely breaking down and devastated. Now for anyone who knows me, I pace like a crazy woman when I am on the phone...we are talking pathways people, around and around and around...its the only exercising this lady takes part in daily :o)  I was sitting down when I was having this conversation, so that means totally SERIOUS!  After saying my I love yous, I made a very important decision that will resignate in my heart from here on out....this disease WILL NOT..I repeat  WILL NOT take any memories from me or my family.  So...I went to my daughter's game 45 minutes after this life-changing news and her team was playing the Zach Elementary 1st Grade Girl's team...yes, I know most of the sweeties on that team.  Boy, was that a challenge, but there is nothing better than a great big hug from my daughter after a great game and a billion hugs from the sweet little people that I am so privileged to work with everyday.  I wouldn't have changed that moment for anything in the world.  This day would be the start of the 3 longest days of our lives (Brent and I....although I think he was more stressed than I was) as we wouldn't find out how serious the cancer was until Tuesday of the following week..............to be continued with pictures I promise :o)